This has been a wacky-as-shit election cycle at the end of a grueling marathon of City politics spread across the past half-decade. I have lots of political thoughts about all this, but who am I to actually make endorsements? Ridiculous. Things are hard enough without one more asshole giving you his opinions. Instead, I want to offer personal celebrations of some of the people running for office. If that means you're more likely to vote for them, okay.

City Council

Ward 1: Elliot Payne was so incredibly kind and tender and generous to me after my wife was diagnosed with cancer that it was almost too much to bear in the state I was in. He gave me his phone number and I remain a little embarrassed that I didn't really use it. Feel like I missed my chance there.

Ward 2: Robin Wonsley called me after I was fired from my job and was really upset on my behalf when I was still so shocked and reeling that I was glib and silly and couldn't react appropriately. I really appreciated her but was not really capable of expressing it at the time. Sorry, Robin.

Ward 3: Jesus Christ someone actually try against Mike Rainville. I promise I'll find something nice to say about you if you do.

Ward 4: Marvina Haynes is doing a hard thing with basically no support. In my very limited personal experience with her, it seems like she has the gravel for it. I am in awe of that kind of resilience.

Ward 5: I don't know anyone running this time around and that's sort of a mark of my failure to engage with stuff over North. I want to do better at this.

Ward 6: Jamal Osman is the most WILDCARD BITCHES dude we have on Council and he wears the hell out of some sunglasses. And his campaign signs just say "JAMAL!"

Ward 7: Katie Cashman could be doing basically anything and she's doing this. Which is dealing with the emotionally needy viper's nest that is Ward 7. I would have walked into one of the Ward's many lakes by now if I was her. If she wins, it the triumph of A Normal Person over a mob of seething rich lake-creeps and that's something we should be down with.

Ward 8: Soren Stevenson was incredibly funny about it when I ran into him after two beers and fucked up his last name and called him "Soren Sorensen."

Ward 9: Jason Chavez uses his shoes, man. You can and will see him in the community in a way few people can match. And if you walk around his Ward at all, you will meet lots of people he has touched for the better.

Ward 10: Aisha Chughtai has taken an unbelievable amount of abuse over the years as the (sometimes literal) punching bag of the Minneapolis Business Development Creep Lobby during the Neverending Uptown Is Dead Wars. She spent her 20s doing THIS for us and WE OWE HER.

Ward 11: Nobody in Southwest needs anyone to say anything nice about them. That's what the money is for.

Ward 12: Aurin Chowdhury and I have a friend in common and the weekend before Election Day in 2023 they told me how great she was going to be and it was all true. It's really hard to remain normal and chill when you're dealing with absolute freaks and she did it better I could have.

Ward 13: Okay, I take back what I said about Southwest above, because my dear friend Marra lives in Ward 13 and while she isn't running for office she did hand-knit my kid an adorable stuff octopus when he was a tiny squishy baby and I love her for that among many other things.

Park Board At Large

Michael Wilson is for real. If you have not heard him speak, you should. Earnest, intelligent, and full-hearted. A friend saw him give an impassioned speech about carbon offsets that moved the room he was in. When I represented him and Robin Wonsley in a fair campaign practices case, I specifically put Michael as my last witness because I wanted the last thing I put before the judges to be his answer to the question "Why are you running for office?" Plus the dude rocks a pair of high socks like no other candidate for City office this year.

Board of Estimate & Taxation

Steve Brandt is basically Uncle Ewan from Succession. When I saw him at Open Streets he pivoted from his election pitch to complaining about the price of maple syrup. Go off, king.

Eric Harris Bernstein has the best signs and shirts of any campaign this year, and I swear I will hit the doors for him in the closing days of the election just to get some 2XL EHB apparel.

Mayor

Omar Fateh just had a kid and that is hard as fuck under the best of circumstances. From one dad to another: dawg.

DeWayne Davis and I had long, pleasant conversation at a community event and it made me wish I could go back to church. I don't have that in me anymore, but Davis is the best example I have ever seen of something living their faith and its teachings through radical compassion.

Jazz Hampton has been a pleasure to get to know as a public person in this election cycle. I was in the middle of 35W at the protest in 2020 where a semi truck drive straight at and through the crowd. I have long said that the organizers saved lives that day by calming the crowd. I found out a little while back that Jazz was one of those organizers. It all adds up. I hope he sticks around City politics and keeps going.