he smiles at you and you cannot fathom why.

there is nothing to smile about, you think. but, then, he is not the only one who seems to put the energy into the pursuit of wearing down your stoicism. the others seem to harbor a similar desire to connect despite its futility. whatever scraps of your humanity remain are stretched to their limits to retain this facade already.

and they are all aware of the monster you are. you see it in their eyes when they think you aren't looking.

but something about the way rael looks at you, smiles at you, lingers just a bit longer in your presence when the others have gone... it's different. perhaps, it is simply that he is the most insistent in his pursuit.

(perhaps, he is the only one you think might succeed.)

ii.

he touches you and you do not pull away.

it is a simple press of fingers on your forearm; the slightest pressure that is barely detectable through the sleeve of your jacket. it would be nothing to shake him off - to continue your lethal momentum forward - and yet for all its gentleness and fragility, that touch roots you.

you meet rael’s gaze, and something in the concern that stares back stings.

he speaks, but you are unable to make out the words. your thoughts are tangled and trip amongst each other. you are too sharp to hold, too bloodied to touch. there is a fury that rages beneath your skin so hot it must burn rael to be so near; the promise of the violence and retribution that defines you.

you will hurt him, you think, for yours is a path that leads only to ruin.

(still, he does not let go.)

iii.

he wipes blood off of your cheek and you almost flinch.

the tenderness of the contact feels too real - too raw - for what has just transpired. your blood still rushes within the thrill of your hard fought victory; for the destruction you left at every wake in pursuit of the prey that now lies dead. a violence wrought by your hand.

does rael not know how thin that line you tread truly is..? does he know how easily it could be him beneath your fury, your blade, your teeth..?

he must know, for he has seen it.

he cannot know, for he is still here.

(always here, always here.)

iv.

he sits by himself and you sit beside him.

the campfire emits enough light and warmth to sustain your group comfortably, but it is not the flames that chase the chill from you. you have little to say, but it does not deter rael from his gentle musings about the day, about the next, and the many that follow. his voice remains hushed so that you do not disturb your sleeping companions.

it is so simple in this moment, you think. a stolen moment of peace and something else that you cannot name.

you do not know the depth of what it means.

(but you do know. you do.)

v.

rays of sunlight spill around the curtains and bathe the room with the warm glow of the morning. wakefulness is lazy and unhurried as it meets you, and even as you pull your mind forward into consciousness it threatens to slip away again.

you're tempted to let it.

rael lays in the bed beside you. you recognize him by the steady rhythm of his breath and the soft scent of lilies.

you know him by the way your heart stills in his presence.

when you turn, you see him gazing back at you. sleep clings to him as relentlessly as it does you, and you know that there is nowhere you need to be that could tear you away from this moment; from here.

he smiles at you.