Asako Yuzuki's BUTTER, through the exploration of the relationship between a journalist and a serial killer, seeks to critique the expectations of women to sacrifice their successful careers for "settling down" into marriage and kids ad the inherent fatphobia and misogyny that patriarchal society uses to affirm itself.

Our main character, Rika, exists as the contrary and hesitant voice to this societal expectation.  Each time she's in the presence of someone who has followed this "natural" and "expected" path - she immediately introspects to her own hesitancy to accept this as a given that she too will have to do, that she'll never be "ready." At first this was a fear, but by the end, a peaceful resignation that she doesn't have to ever be ready, and that's okay, because she actually doesn't have to anything she doesn't want to. 

And yet, the woman who chose an opposite path than her leaves equal parts pride and envy at her feet. They mythologize her as the lone woman on the island of her own making. That they had to “choose” their sacrifice and could not do both. Why is it that men are never expected to sacrifice any aspect of themselves for their family? 

Obviously this is deeply isolating to Rika. As woman after woman drops like flies from the magazine to build a family, the looming thought that she might be the first woman on the editorial desk is constantly used as a piece of gossip. 

Her foil in this, another woman, who in a completely different way has shirked societal expectation not only with her actions but her body itself, Manako Kajii. 

A convicted serial killer who never laid a hand on her victims and self proclaimed hater of feminists and margarine. As Rika interviews her to change her image as a retrial approaches, she decries women who "neglect the household in the name of self expression, and depriving her children of sufficient affection of a result" 

She has a strong self belief in the role of women in society, one in which a woman should sacrifice aspects of themselves only for the betterment of the men and children in her life, and never for herself and her own desires. 

The consumption and creation of food becomes the central vector in which these above points are explored. Manako Kajii went to great lengths to cook and provide for the older men in her life and never deprived herself either. Cooking is a selfless task but it is deeply selfish too. The freedom to choose what to eat, when to eat, and who to cook for has become inextricably linked with the expectation of women in Japanese society. Food is how you connect with people too! It is how you form bonds! The way that Manako cooked was steeped with loneliness because of the way she was constantly contradicting herself internally. As Rika learns to cook she realizes that as always, society has it so wrong about cooking. As a woman, cooking for the man in your life could signify a desire to settle down or as a way to advertise your talents as a wife. When Rika actually chooses to cook for herself and share it with her then boyfriend, he invalidates her personhood by making her feel as if she is imposing on him or doing too much. He can't and won't see that she did this for her own enjoyment. Society has taken cooking as a shackle and clasped it around every woman's ankle. 

Later, she realizes that the forced isolation and transactional relationships between men and women are wrong, that it keeps you from being alive, being fulfilled. It makes you feel as if you are imposing on people by seeking connection. It's deeply lonely. 

• "I've always thought that I'd be imposing on you if I did something like this, but I think that, on reflection, that's exactly what's been lacking. I've started to realize that nothing ever happens if you don't impose on people"

I want to very briefly touch on the relationship between Reiko and Rika as it relates to fatphobia in Japan because this reading of the text speaks to me. 

• "I feel like the Japanese desire to be thin is less about beauty and more... It's like we're all being controlled, so that when you come across a person who's shaken off that control you feel irritated. I'm sorry for telling you before that you should diet. Seeing you become softer and rounded and more relaxed made me anxious. It's embarrassing to admit, but I felt you were moving away from being the price you used to be, whom I'd loved" 

I do not think the anxiety Reiko felt here was purely because Rika was becoming "softened and rounded" but rather because this was 1) challenging her notions of how one should appear in society and 2) her not fully realized but blatantly obvious attraction to Rika. 

The argument that this change was taking her away from her princely bearing allows Reiko to shove inside herself the possibility that no, she didn't just admire Rika for her boyish look, but the whole person too. When Rika was no longer looking as she did in the past, it scared Reiko because those feelings did not change. In fact she finds herself lamenting that she wishes Rika were a man. 

Don't worry, Reiko, you'll get there! You'll figure it out!

While the book doesn't go any further than this in their relationship, it's very easy (at least to me) to read their relationship as a queer one, platonic or otherwise

But THIS is what patriarchy does!! It doesn't allow you to explore relationships with women beyond friendship AT ALL. It puts you in evil little boxes and forces you to orient your entire life around the satisfaction of MEN. That's not living. That's puppeting yourself on a string. This notion of living but not really living gets thrown around at the end of the book and I think it's really well done.Rika misattributes Manako Kajii as so full of life. She lives for herself and eats freely BECAUSE she's deluded herself! She looks alive while everyone has been ghosts because she rejects modern expectation of a woman and yet upholds it through her conservative values.  

To me, the true tragedy here is how patriarchy isolates women from one another and puts them in competition instead of camaraderie. I believe that Rika sees this as well as she laments that if Manako Kajii truly connected with another woman, confided in her, and built a friendship deep enough to really see her, she wouldn't have fallen as far as she did. 

I would be remiss if I did not bring up Adlerian psychology here because of the importance of social embeddedness and wellbeing linked through belonging. If Manako Kajii truly had a place to belong, had a genuine and real life FRIEND to actually and truly evaluate her three major life tasks, I wonder.... 

Right below the surface, nearly bubbling over is the loneliest woman alive, and she can't even realize it. 

• “However beautiful Rika became, however well she did at work, even if she got married and had children, society didn’t let women off that easily. The standards were getting higher, and assessments harsher. The only way to be free of it – however scary and anxiety-inducing it was, however you much you kept on looking back to check whether or not people were laughing at you – was to learn to accept yourself.”

There's obviously a lot more I can cover here- food as a bridge to human connection, the toxic work culture of capitalistic society engineered to chew people up and swallow them whole, as well the relationship between a Father and Daughter. However, I think the book says it a lot better than I can. It's an incredibly rewarding and thought provoking read, and I haven't been able to stretch my writing muscles like this in quite some time. If you're still here thank you very much, and please, cook for yourself, for others, and most of all, do it freely. 

• “She wanted to see Kajii again too. She wanted to meet her and tell her that this world deserved to be lived in. Or, no – that this world deserved to be tasted, greedily.”