Hi, it's Ulysses. I don't often write this kind of thing but I and a few others want to warn about a predator who ended up abusing at least two of my friends during their time dating.
Table of Contents
- 1.
- 2.
Who is it?
- 3.
What did it do?
- 1.
Sexual Abuse
- 1.
Chasing
- 2.
Fetish Mining
- 3.
Sexual Coercion
- 4.
Threatening Marital Rape
- 5.
Threatening Sex Tourism
- 2.
Abuse of 🐼 and 👹
- 1.
Relationship with 🐼
- 1.
Gaslighting
- 2.
Use of BPD against 🐼
- 3.
Using mental illness to dodge accountability
- 4.
Misleading nature of relationship
- 5.
Messing with his identity
- 6.
Violating even more boundaries
- 2.
Relationship with 👹
- 1.
Cheating and lying
- 2.
Psychological Abuse
- 4.
What now?
Who is it?
Kaiman (it/its) is also known as tokubackshots, a co-admin of Timely Rudolf, Angel0fJupiter, BalladsOfARacer, akivat_, and sliderkamen. As stated above, it's an abuser — not just emotionally, not just psychologically, but sexually as well.
A lot of "the worst of it" was often kept to voice calls, and thus can't be retrieved, but we have tried our best to get textual evidence, and to corroborate claims between multiple people.
Please don't harass it, but we would caution to stay away and to be aware of what it's done. We want to hold it accountable and to prevent the harm it's caused to happen to others.
All affected parties will be going by emoji aliases.
What did it do?
Sexual Abuse
Chasing
I would like to preface that while Kaiman is nonbinary, it has repeatedly stated it is not sapphic. It is not transfem, either. It is actually a transmisogynist but that is unfortunately beyond the scope of this document, which is focused on its interpersonal abuse. Please read here for more information:
It Sucks That This Is An Aside
Right, so, the main document is about its more interpersonal harms, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have its bigotries, which has affected the (and it really only is) trans women around it. Presumably because it can't prey on them the way it did to its victims.
⭐ (she/her)
As a transfem lesbian my experience with Kaiman was largely different from other people. Rarely would it DM me or flirt with me, unlike how it did with the many AFAB people, especially lesbians, around me - it was a shock when I found out it was doing so, just because I'd only seen it flirt in the context of it's relationship, especially when I saw the texts it sent to 🍊, a friend of nearly a decade, whom it only knew for less than a week at that point - in addition to the flirting with 🍓 and 🍎 before and after it's relationship with 🐼 respectively.
It is worth noting that Kaiman has referred to me as scary before, something it only otherwise said to 🍊, whom it was already trying to convince to take it's side, in a conversation where it mentioned it would DM me soon. This "soon" ended up being two days later than the DM to 🍓. This is in addition to baffling behavior such as getting fussy whenever I tried streaming a show or movie, or even game, whining about it and giving up or complaining until I relented - behavior that could be linked with it's perceived rivalry with me as an AMAB/me taking away control. This issue, of course, never popped up whenever my AFAB friends streamed a show or game.
Additionally, it rarely ever spent time 1-on-1 with me in VC. It only happened when it knew others would come in soon or if we were together after others left, after which it soon would make an excuse to leave.
One time while hanging out with 🐼, streaming a game, it also was hesitant about joining after being invited by 🐼, deciding to not join at all, later whining in his DMs to make him feel bad about spending time with me.
While these are uncharitable reads I do not put them past Kaiman given it's general vile behavior as a predator and rapist.
🌹(she/her)
Kaiman manipulated 🐼 in an attempt to make him step away from our friendship and make him believe I disliked him. It absolutely despises me over petty personal disagreements and presumably due to its transmisogyny, so it tried its best to isolate me from all our mutual friends and make me feel unsafe and unwelcome. I have never made any personal attacks or anything remotely similar to it, and never showed any hate or disdain to it. It simply chose to single me out due to its personal whims.
It got to the point that🌹 felt like she had to leave the mutual server because of multiple people disliking her. This is not true, it is Kaiman manipulating her for... well, "no reason", but the reason seems clear. It isn't new to isolating people this way.
This is important because it is a chaser for cis lesbians and trans people AFAB. Both exes (out of 9 total!) identify as butch lesbians, the last four exes being lesbians, with 🐼 (he/him) having previously expressed interest in getting together with only lesbians.
They are the primary victims of Kaiman's abuse but not the only ones. It has a history of approaching other people (again, suspiciously only cis lesbians and trans people AFAB) when it's having a rough patch with a current partner, often with the intent of having an unofficial "rebound" in its back pocket. Here are their testimonies:
🍓 (he/they)
So, alot of this was on call so I don't really have record of it. I'm a butch lesbian who has little to no interest in mascs and butches, much less masc nonbinary people. So I didn't think anything of it when roleplaying this scenario where I was an employee at Home Depot and the employee kept aggressively flirting with me. In this scenario I played the straight man and shut any advances down by calling over the manager, who also flirted with me. This all stopped when someone else from the call interrupted to ask in a dismayed voice what we were doing.
At the time, I really didn't think anything of it. But it was around this time Kaiman started telling me they loved me all the time. I was getting texts every day while I was at work. Kaiman started telling me they loved me. For some reason, I felt an internal pressure to say it back so I wouldn't make them upset. We're friends, right? And you love your friends. But then the attention started getting to me. There would be days where I was so certain we were friends and other days where I couldn't stand them. Kaiman told me they loved me on call one day and I got really quiet. They expressed amusement at this. I then said I don't they knew, they loved. I felt deeply uncomfortable with this but couldn't really explain why.
It got bad enough that I would feel this sense of dread whenever I got a message from them at work. We hung out all the time, but what I really wanted was some time away from this guy. I talked to some friends about what I should do about a friend that's too clingy, and they advised me to talk to this person. I didn't end up doing that. Curiously, this whole situation ended when Kaiman and 🐼 got together. I was so relieved because there was someone else for Kaiman to spend all their time with because the burden was finally taken off of me.
🍊 (any/all)
to provide some context to lead into this conversation, my involvement with kaiman had only been recent (where i had only been friends with it for only 3 weeks), and it would show me movies and we'd hang out, whether it be individually or together as a group with 🐼, ⭐, and 🍓. additionally, i had not been close to 🍓or 🐼, but ⭐ has been my close friend of 8 years. kaiman approached me on the tail end of our friendship, asking for advice and comfort for the break it was going through with 🐼.
initially, it wasn't suspicious - it had come up to me asking for advice and comfort, which i offered at the least. it was only on the second day that i started becoming suspicious, feeling as if what it was saying about 🐼 was largely gross and disrespectful to him. kaiman had kept going on and on about the "borderline" behavior 🐼 was enacting on it, and how unfair it was that 🐼 wasn't giving it the space for communication it wanted. then, it started comparing itself to the Doctor from Doctor Who, claiming how much it felt like the Doctor due to how "kind, selfless, sweet, and well-meaning" (direct quotes) was; at the same time, it showed me screenshots of its friends making fun of it "for being so selfless and thinking of abandoning its friends for 🐼's comfort". the obvious violation of privacy of calling its partner borderline to me and the blatant egotistical notion of claiming to be the Doctor and "selfless" despite constantly asking me for validation to talk to 🐼 despite the mutual agreed upon break of no contact was deeply concerning to me (this isn't mentioning that it repeatedly DID try to contact 🐼 even though it was telling me it wasn't, or when it did, it expressed remorse).
at this point, i was still attempting to comfort it because i was under the understanding that it was not taking the whole situation well and therefore acting out uncomfortably. i was staying up until 8am to talk to it so it wouldn't be alone. after i had finally managed to get rest, i realized how deeply uncomfortable the whole conversation made me feel, and consulted ⭐ after noticing how it was trying to keep all of us separated and not talking. after i had fixed a draft message to send to kaiman addressing these issues, i was finally in contact with 🐼 and 🍓 and realized the weight of the situation of kaiman being a rapist and abuser, alongside being below scum of the earth.
i then received a very juvenile response despite clearly outlining my issues with what we had discussed strictly in dms in that time, and responded back firmly that it was being obtuse and disrespecting me. then came a slurry of apologetic, and rather pathetic messages begging for me to respond back so we could have a "proper" conversation, into tone-deaf texts about the show it was watching, then into more begging. this bled into all our texts. when i had finally responded to have a level conversation, it kept excusing itself about why it kept calling 🐼 borderline (in which never properly explaining why it had revealed such sensitive information to me without his consent) and that "the alter that talked to me about these things had gone dormant, but it will still take responsibility for it" - most importantly, it never addressed anything about what i said to it by responding "i don't understand, can you please elaborate/explain", on top of trying to lovebomb me and take control of the information by insinuating i wasn't being clear! after this conversation passed, it kept asking me for reassurance for being sure that i would still be friends with it, and still prodding me with clarifications as if i hadn't made everything i said transparent. at this point, i had firmly told it that i would not be entertaining what it was saying anymore, and that it needed to reflect on what i said. i had not revealed that i had been in contact with everyone else, wanting to protect the others from being interrogated or pestered by kaiman further, especially 🐼. moreover, i had realized through my conversations with friends that it had been trying to take advantage of my kindness by using abuser tactics that it had done to 🐼 verbatim.
in regards to the preying on my end, i am a bisexual and afab individual who has a boyfriend. kaiman had always been quite curious about me alongside rather affectionate through i love yous and whatnot, but i had brushed it off as i am also affectionate in nature. i had already made my platonic intentions clear as i am already in a relationship with someone else, and expressed so explicitly with it on vc. when it approached me for comfort in our conversation about 🐼, it randomly asked me about my sexuality and had assumed i was aromantic for seemingly no reason.
as i managed to get into contact with 🐼 and 🍓, we realized how much it kept assuming us (especially 🐼) as under different labels to gauge our sexualities. a lot of this lead to the primary understanding that it was asking to chase after a specific subset of identities for sexual and exploitative gains, especially when we convened and realized we all fall under being traditionally understood as "fem" labels. it makes sense as to why it also kept being rather affectionate with me throughout text and vc, alongside keeping up a very childish tone during my confrontation with it (knowing the context of it having certain fetishes later revealed in this document) as well. it equally explains all the lovebombing and clinginess it kept expressing around me after i had confronted it, constantly begging me to hear its side or to listen to it so i could gain sympathy for this pathetic act.
🍎 (they/them)
before the recent events in it’s relationship with 🐼, kaiman and i had been somewhat acquainted but not exactly close, which is why its recent interest in becoming closer was very surprising to me. i wasn't aware of what had been happening between it and 🐼 at the time, so i didn’t pay much mind to the sudden changes in its behavior: things like messaging me daily when it hadn't done so before, being excited to hang out while keeping me in the dark about why our shared friends weren’t there to hang out with it at the moment, suddenly bringing up personal topics and going as far as to say things like ‘you can ask me anything’ to someone who isn’t exactly close with it.
most of this didn’t appear weird in the moment, but certainly does now, knowing its track record. i cannot assume it had any ill intent towards me with such treatment, as these actions aren’t inherently malicious. however, it does fit the pattern of its behavior towards those hurt by it and should be something people who may come into contact with it in the future watch out for
Oh, also, it's apparently been a "running" "joke" for a while. Like in general.
I wasn't privy to this myself, so pardon the editorializing, but: What the fuck, man? Using innocuous jokes to cover up something objectionable you're actually into?
This follows onto the next point quite naturally, it seems.
Fetish Mining
Per Fanlore:
A term to describe the act of asking someone for fetish content, without them knowing the content is for a fetish or sexual purpose. Often this solicitation will be done in such a way as to seem 'innocent' so as to avoid the sexual aspect. [...] things that seem nonsexual, but are being asked for a sexual purpose.
Per Wiktionary:
The act of requesting content (such as photographs) from another person, with the actual intent being to satisfy one's fetish (paraphilia).
I'll be using a broader definition here, which includes exposing someone to content that turns out to be fetish material for the person presenting the content. This is because the fetish in question is, well, rape.
It mentions this in public to get a rise out of people, and it shows this content to people without warning them. Most people react poorly to this and react in revilement. THIS is part of what gets it off, this violation of boundaries and making people feel disgusted.
Often around the people it's chasing above.
With this pattern established, let's get into its behavior with its partners.
Sexual Coercion
Throughout the relationship it had with 🐼, Kaiman constantly coerced 🐼 into sexual acts and photos on call, despite many attempts from 🐼 expressing fear. It would assume dominant roles and force 🐼 into submissive roles, assuring how much he wants this in return to Kaiman. This is in addition to knowing 🐼's aversion to sex-related topics and actions, and pursuing him aggressively anyway.
This is also not mentioning the fact of Kaiman forcing 🐼 to watch shows or movies with sexual assault in them, with one example being Yamada-kun and the Seven Witches (where there are scenes of the male MC bodyswapping to another female character and groping her body). Despite 🐼's initial resistance, Kaiman would act fussy and upset over getting "no" as an answer (grim, knowing this context), acting childish until the other party relents.
It should be noted that 🐼 is already a victim of SA, which is where the discomfort in sexual topics is rooted in. Kaiman knew this and kept wearing down his boundaries anyway.
Furthermore, during more intimate moments, Kaiman talked about masturbating to hentai, implied to be in the realm of corrective rape against lesbians. For clarity, whenever Kaiman did breach these topics to its partner, it intentionally keeps the nature of the work vague; this conclusion was drawn recently after reviewing all the evidence we had on it afterward. However, within these next screenshots, what we do know of this story specifically is that the work is about a girl with a temper initially resisting the guy's advances until he eases her into sex with him - not only that, but it then admitted to masturbating to these works with 🐼 as the girl in mind and it as the perpetrator. There are also explicit and crude conversations of Kaiman urging to finish inside of him without contraception.
Texts regarding the hentai:
Texts regarding contraception (in which 🐼 was the only one to ever bring it up) and Kaiman's constant badgering to ejaculate inside of its partner:
Threatening Marital Rape
In earlier accounts of 🐼's relationship with Kaiman, within the first few weeks of dating Kaiman had discussed a want to marry 🐼. Leading into that, it also expressed how much it wanted to start a family with 🐼 as well (despite knowing very well that 🐼 did not want to), brushing off his concerns and saying that it would do it itself (with clear implications of babytrapping 🐼 and turning him into a 'mother'). Many of these conversations were on calls, but sentiments of marrying 🐼 were recorded, on top of 🐼 clearly saying he did not want to have children in their shared DMs.
Threatening Sex Tourism
Given all this context, it only becomes worse knowing 🐼 lives in the Philippines.
It is a widely known phenomenon in the country that foreigners with more access to money will travel to the Philippines and take advantage of Filipino women sexually. Inherent to this dynamic is the "necessity" of accepting this behavior, as the Philippines is a developing country, and regardless if it's prostitution or dating a "sexpat", the support and money given is hard to reject materially.
NOTE: The Wikipedia article only talks about sex work, but in local context, both it and the act of being in a proper relationship with a "sexpat" with access to money are considered two sides of the same coin. The latter situation is known to be harder to escape once it turns into marriage (often done quickly and without informing the victim's family) because you cannot divorce someone in the Philippines.
Kaiman had planned to come over to the Philippines at earliest October of this year (2026) to meet up with 🐼 and 👹 (cheating detailed more below) separately to visit but also engage in sex with the both of them, while planning to give 🐼 its salary from working as a seaman. 🐼's family is (among other things) financially abusive, so he doesn't have much independent control over the money he receives as an artist — being given cash is a lifeline that would be impossible to turn down. With 🐼, it even talked about "saving" him from the Philippines and into where Kaiman lived as well (conversation had over voice call).
All of this contributes to its interest in corrective rape. It is acting on the fantasy of targeting individuals AFAB with intent to abuse, manipulate, and then force them into submission.
Abuse of 🐼 and 👹
Relationship with 🐼
Originally, 🐼 wasn't sure about jumping into a relationship. As stated previously, he'd decided he only wanted to be with other lesbians (which Kaiman is not), but he was in a vulnerable state. While they were chatting as friends, Kaiman repeatedly told 🐼 that it loves him. The constant lovebombing clouded 🐼's judgement. All he wanted was to feel loved, and Kaiman took advantage of that to get 🐼 into a relationship that he otherwise wouldn't have.
- 1.
Gaslighting
Any time 🐼 brought up any concerns with the relationship or expressed his feelings, Kaiman would brush him off. It would convince 🐼 that he was just acting emotionally. Kaiman was the "logical" one, while 🐼 was the one who acted on his feelings. Kaiman would weaponize 🐼's BPD to explain the behaviors it didn't like (see below). When he found himself stuck on a decision, Kaiman would tell him what to do. It would pressure him into making the choices it wanted him to — the choices that would make him more reliant on Kaiman. When he hesitated to take their relationship further, Kaiman told him he knew he wanted this.
- 2.
Use of BPD against 🐼
At some point during the relationship, Kaiman started to ignore 🐼 in favor of spending time with its friends. When 🐼 expressed that this upset him, he was shut down and called borderline. When he wanted space to think things over, Kaiman would refuse to give it to him in favor of, once again, calling him borderline and pestering him with messages.
Conversation between 🐼 and Kaiman:
It doesn't just say this to him, by the way! It mentions 🐼 being borderline so much that it violated 🐼's privacy by disclosing his BPD to someone who didn't know about it!
It becomes clear now that it was using "borderline" as a synonym for "hysterical". Funny, considering the context in which hysteria was primarily used for.
On the subject of psychology...
- 3.
Use of own mental illness to dodge accountability
To disclose, I have DID and so does ⭐, 🍓, and importantly 🐼. A basic tenet of living with DID is practicing system accountability.
Per Pluralpedia:
System accountability describes the responsibility systems or members take or are assigned for the actions of their headmates. This can mean several things, including:
taking collective accountability for irresponsible behaviour
taking / expecting collective responsibility for ensuring that all members act within certain boundaries (such as system rules)
Kaiman, who has DID, does not practice this. At all.
This was weaponized against 🐼 in their relationship. When one alter would give 🐼 the cold shoulder, or goof off with friends instead of following up on the plans it had with its partner, none of the other alters seem to do anything about it past a nominal apology. No change in behavior.
The burden always went on 🐼 (who, I have to stress this repeatedly, also has DID, and does not use the switching of alters to shrug off his peers, let alone his partner) to cope with the fact that suddenly, Kaiman would just ghost him or deprive him of affection for no reason at all, and not feel regret afterwards.
Which is sinister after gaslighting 🐼 and making him desperate for its approval, to the point of driving him, a victim of SA, to use sex as a way to get its attention in the face of no other option working.
About that, Kaiman claimed that (while also being aromantic) it suffers from hypersexuality due to its OCD. Now, I don't have OCD so I can't speak on this claim, but 🍓 does.
Hi so I have OCD. It doesn't really have anything to do with hypersexuality??? A lot of people with OCD have sexual intrusive thoughts. The thing about intrusive thoughts is that you don't like them. They're disgusting things you would never normally think about. So having these intrusive thoughts and then coping with them by getting off is very ??? Like intrusive thoughts tend to be about incest, pedophilia, beastiality, rape, any number of horrible things. Most people are so disgusted by these thoughts that they internalize that they're an evil and unforgivable person. Why would you be getting off to that?
After the above section on repeated, intentional, rampant sexual abuse, does this look like the result of intrusive thoughts? Are violating 🐼's boundaries a compulsion as a result of those intrusive thoughts? This isn't to invalidate it having OCD at all. But it clearly isn't the root of this.
- 4.
Misleading nature of relationship
A lot of what would otherwise immediately be flagged as domestic abuse was mitigated somewhat by the fact that Kaiman agreed to the relationship not being romantic, but queerplatonic.
Per Wikipedia:
dd
"non-romantic significant-other relationships of 'partner status'"
"non-romantic partners who share the "intense relationship and the security of explicit validation" otherwise associated exclusively with romance."
Cards on the table, I think this makes the abuse worse. In a sense that the queerplatonic status was used to mask its intentions to have a clear sexual relationship with 🐼 (to the point of, again, threatening marital rape), while expecting commitment, without the scrutiny it'd get by starting an explicitly romantic and sexual relationship with a lesbian while not being a woman by any stretch.
- 5.
Messing with his sense of identity
Because of this relationship, 🐼 began to question his identity as a lesbian. He was uncomfortable with the concept of not being a lesbian anymore. When Kaiman pushed him into more submissive roles and talked about starting a family together (something 🐼 made it very clear he didn't want), 🐼 felt more and more of a disconnect from who he is.
Remember, Kaiman is not a lesbian. Kaiman is not even sapphic. Yet Kaiman has fantasized about 🐼 with him as the "woman", specifically wants to have unprotected sex with him, and threatened to "fix the situation" in regards to 🐼's discomfort around being a mother.
Kaiman fundamentally does not, and has never respected 🐼's identity. It was attempting, plainly, to "correct" 🐼's lesbianism.
- 6.
Violating Even More Boundaries
At the time this document was written, 🐼 and Kaiman are on a break. They have agreed not to talk for the duration of this break. And yet, Kaiman has kept texting him, across multiple platforms, and as mentioned above, was ruminating on doing it still while talking to 🍊, and was reticent on being rebuked for it. Kaiman has contacted many other people about where 🐼 is or what 🐼 could be doing.
This is not the first time Kaiman has done this. When 🐼 would want space after a fight (which happened too often for the relationship to count as healthy by any stretch), Kaiman wouldn't honor it. As stated above, it'd use 🐼's BPD to invalidate his ask for space, among other things.
Even outside of sex, Kaiman will systematically erode any place in the relationship where 🐼 has the power to say no.
Relationship with 👹
- 1.
Cheating and Lying
Kaiman was still together with 👹 (he/him) when it started dating 🐼 (May 2026). It lied and told 🐼 it's broken up with 👹 since February 2026. It wasn't until June 2026 that it actually broke things off with 👹.
👹 only learned of its relationship with 🐼 once I've reached out to write this document.
Notably, whenever Kaiman talked about cheating, it was very insistent that jokes about it were off-limits toward 🐼.
It seems to be a show of guilt, rare as it may be from Kaiman. Or an effort to prevent any chance of the truth breaking out.
- 2.
Psychological Abuse
While stringing 👹 along, Kaiman was relentless in painting 👹 as the clingy ex that can't let go. It made sure 🐼 wouldn't want to talk to him so its lies couldn't be unraveled.
Kaiman turned its friends against 👹. Everyone was convinced it was 👹 who was the problem, to the point that 👹 felt like the mutual discord server was hostile towards him.
This tactic of isolating a victim through trashing its reputation is textbook abusive behavior. Not just to its partners.
Here is 👹's comment on Kaiman:
This is all pretty new to me. I was under the impression that our relationship was pretty okay. In my eyes it was a low maintenance lowkey sort of thing and we talked whenever we missed each other, and that was okay with me. Finding out Kaiman had been lying to others about me and my behavior was crushing news. People had this twisted perception of me due to its lies, how I was obsessive and clingy. I don't know. We broke up officially on the 28th of June, and upon discussion with the other victims it turns out it was cheating on me for the past 3 months before that point. I don't know. I am not clingy, in fact I'd hate myself even more if I were, Kaiman wanted that tho. It wanted me to be more clingy, it wanted me to rely on it.
I dont know. I dont know. The way it was just talking to me, flirting, acting like nothing's wrong behind the scenes. It's all so sickening.
What now?
It isn't relevant to it being a predator, but a big part of the initial "break" between Kaiman and 🐼 involved Kaiman claiming it's "too kind" and "too selfless"...
I want to say it straight: You are a fucking idiot if you think that's the problem your partner has with you. It's the opposite. You are selfish, short-sighted, solipsistic, so convinced of your own rationality that you completely missed the fact that you are very much controlled by your desires. Some pretty messed up desires.
I want you to reassess yourself from the ground up. This is why this doc is made. I want you out of my fucking sight, but wherever you end up, I want you to remember everything you did, all the loved ones you've hurt, all the loved ones you've now lost, and I want you to have a moment of pause before doing it again to a single other person.
That's all from me. Thank you, please block, etc. Warn others, particularly tokusatsu spaces, of this person.
Ciao. -Ulysses
Final Message from 🐼 to Kaiman
Hey, this will be my last ever message to you and I want nothing else to do with you from now on. I've made up my mind to fully break things off with you. Spending my time away from all of this has made me realize how many problems there really were that I've been ignoring, simply because I wanted to give us a chance. With proper alone time, which you always refused to give me because of your habit of rushing things, I've finally come to accept how manipulative and abusive you have been towards me.
Being manipulative/abusive
Looking through our past convos over the 2 or so months together, this has been a constant glaring issue that at the time I didn't know or was too blinded by your lovebombing to see just how much you control me. In times where I wasn't sure what I wanted, you'd immediately assume For me and coax me into thinking that you're right. The main example of this is our sex life. In case you forgot or never bothered to take note of, I am a victim of sexual assault caused by too many people that happened to be around me. It's why I feel uncomfortable watching sex scenes in media or sexual jokes that have women being taken advantage of. Not to mention the abuse I already deal with daily in my own household and having been in a previous abusive relationship for 2 years to add onto my vulnerability. Reading through the very first convos regarding this, I feel absolutely disgusted knowing how I explicitly told you I feel uncomfortable about anything intimate. I told you in great detail why. And yet over the days you keep bringing up and joking about it to me as if you're easing me into talking and wanting to have sex until I relented. From then on, we became very sexually active and had become difficult to control. All that time I kept thinking how disgusted I felt but you didn't give me time to properly process it. I felt disgusted for how much I was losing my identity as a lesbian because of how overly dominant you were, and given you're AMAB and present more masculine, you didn't even dare to think again that it could've made me uncomfortable, because you never like to give me time to think. The longer it went on, the more I was conditioned into thinking this is what I wanted. Even leading to me sending you nudes as part of your coercion. You even brought up the topic of starting a family and raising children when I was very much against that and how I wanted my freedom from everything I've endured. I did not want to be locked in a marriage and forced to have kids. After some time, you've pulled yourself away and used OCD as an excuse to no longer engage in any sexual activities that I've been unfortunately conditioned into needing. I can only assume you got bored of me and, after learning what else you've done to the people around you and Especially to your previous ex, is on the move for the next target.
Aside from this, every time we fought you'd always try to take control of the situation and make me feel as if my feelings are invalid and make me look like the irrational one for being rightfully upset at you (for whatever context it may be) while you play the calm nurturing therapist role by trying to interrogate instead of offering comfort. Whenever I'd ask for time alone to heal, or to simply just step away for even a moment so I can answer without feeling heated (given I do have anger problems), you'd deny that by forcing me into talking again and being adamant on fixing the situation then and there. There were also times where I'd ask to hang out with you alone, make plans with you and make it very clear I don't want anyone else intruding, you couldn't even grant me any of that or at least not without making me feel bad. You keep stating how important you are to many people and have a busy schedule of watching movies with everybody else so you cram me into a schedule instead. You don't think twice of how that would make me feel and many times I've had to be the one to point it out to you. And with those times, when I'd give up and just ask to be alone, only then you approach me and force me to talk yet again in the guise of “healthy communication”. It's a never-ending cycle and I've reached my limit for a long time now but I mistakenly kept giving you unearned chances to redeem yourself. This controlling behavior led me into pushing away my own friends in an effort to apologize to you and cheer you up whenever I'd make a mistake that made you upset. Anything I do that doesn't include you but does include my friends, you get upset. If I do something for my friends at the same time as yours, you throw a fit. Yet if I ask for your time, you call me names and act pedantic. It's almost as if I'm not allowed my own agency.
Being a lifeline
This is a topic we've argued plenty about so I'm sure you know how I feel about it by now. This does not mean it's wrong to be there for people but going about it like you're a martyr, flaunt about “being kind”, immediately making decisions for others without their input/out of impulse because you think it's for their own good, I find it incredibly self-aggrandizing and off-putting. That's not on me to judge anymore, I'm just saying I don't wanna be with someone so pretentious and egotistical, especially when you're talking all about sacrificing yourself to others while you're actively shoving me to the side, ignoring what I have to say and making me go along with your bullshit. How hypocritical can you get?
Needing to be right all the time
This has already been explained in the first bullet point but with more examples. I had to take the most time fully understanding this because it was something that's been bothering me all this time (hence a lot of my "acting up" moments, or you like to call being “borderline”) but it's made even clearer to me with how you've been acting for being away for only a few days and thinking persistently dming me to fix things is the right thing to do. This is a break, meaning I Don't Want to Talk to you. Leave me alone. My closer friends informed me how you keep pestering them as a means of getting any info of my whereabouts. You keep brushing off their advice of respecting my boundaries and saying “I have to fix this”. You're not gonna fix anything if you're not even listening to what I and the others have said. Why can't you just understand you're in the wrong sometimes. It's so insulting how you think everyone else is in the wrong while thinking you can only ever do the right thing. You always want everything to go your way and your way only, make everyone think you're always in the right and rush things without hearing out what other people might have to say. You have no respect for people's boundaries and expect people to respect yours.
Moments where there was a decision to be made, you always insist on being the one to choose and lead/control over the situation. This was something I had people point out to me as they've seen it firsthand and I was blind to it because of how conditioned I was into thinking any of that was okay. As long as you weren't upset with me, that was all that mattered. Many times, or constantly these last few weeks, I've felt like I was walking on eggshells because of all the times you got upset at me for disagreeing with your views or literally over anything. Anything could just set you off, so I learnt to just be careful at choosing my words and how I act around you. I once told you that and you immediately said it back to me and I felt awful thinking how this is the person I love, I wouldn't wanna hurt you. and since then it's been cycled again and again in different forms til I got sick of it and started blatantly saying I hate you for making me feel this way. You know very well of my family history and that I can easily get scared from their tactics and you've been doing the same things to me.
Mistreating other people
In an effort to keep peace between friend groups and wanting to settle things in a civil manner like mature adults, I asked you to let this situation stay between just the two of us and leave others out of it. (Mentioned in the previous bullet) On day one or two you immediately broke that by trying to get information out of my friends and in hopes they go against each other and/or turn on me. You not only used them for your own benefit, you clung onto them and violated their own boundaries by asking so much and lying to their faces. How dare you? You not only see me as nothing but a plaything that you can just use however and whenever, you also see the people that have been nothing but kind to the both of us as pawns into getting what you want. You don't see any of us as actual people with feelings to begin with.
Another point to this is how you've been provoking me into pushing my own friends away when there were any disagreements and isolating me even further. Finally being away from you and reconnecting with these people did I realize just how much I felt alone during my time with you. You treated these people like shit for whatever reason (noted in great detail in the callout post) and hearing their testimonies broke me. You know how much my friends mean to me and yet you were actively isolating me away from them while you yourself mistreat them.
As of writing this, I've only just been able to get in contact with your previous ex (whom you've told me you dumped months before we got together) and have been informed you've been cheating on him with me this entire time. Any and all trust I've given to you has been broken for how much you've been crafting this web of lies for so long. He told me you only broke things off officially in June. We've been dating since early May. You've been a two-timer and god knows if that other QPR you said that didn't go anywhere was true at all so it'd surprise absolutely nobody if there are even more out there. How could you lie to people like that and say you love them while you were getting with someone else behind their back. I feel absolutely horrified for your ex and I could only wish him the best as he finds out what the hell you've been doing and lying to his face. He has my utmost support and sincerest apologies for being unknowingly involved in hurting him. You prey on people and play on their feelings for your own sick enjoyment. You are despicable. Listening to his testimony and the ones from my friends, I just couldn't believe I ever spent even a single week with someone so heartless. Was the person I opened my heart to a facade this entire time? I don't even know who you are anymore and I don't think I ever knew.
All this time I tried giving you grace for all of the abuse towards me because I blindly trusted you and loved you wholly. I really did mean it. I wish I never wasted a single breath or tears over you. You are a monster, there's absolutely no denying of that anymore. I wish nothing but pain and suffering to fall on you. You're a pretentious asshole with a fragile ego who can't take no for an answer. Get a fucking grip. I hope whoever reads this whole document knows how controlling you are. How much of a piece of shit of a partner and friend you are. Do the world a favor and leave me and everyone alone forever, at least with that you could be worth something.